Say Hello Seattle
by Happenstancelove
Summary: Freddie finally grows facial hair. Will Sam help save Freddie from his mother's extremely painful and permanent measures? Will hilarity and embarrassment ensue? I think so! songfic based on "Hello Seattle" by Owl City


**A/N:** Hey guys! I wrote this after a particularly bad Latin Lecture *shivers* and it made me feel tons better afterward, so I hope it makes you as happy as it did me! Also I noticed I've been getting favorited a lot but I don't have too many reviews. So if you like it please review!!! If you don't, tell me what I can improve on! Thanks so much guys for all the support! And sorry for taking so long! :(

Say Hello Seattle

By Happenstancelove

It was gradual. It hadn't happened all at once. Just the way my voice hadn't completely changed in one day… It was gradual. I really never thought this day would come. This day when I would look in the mirror and realize that I'd become everything my mother had hoped I wouldn't… a man.

"Freddie, what's taking you so long?" My mother shouted, waking me out of my euphoria. Yes, I was euphoric. Because despite Sam's claims that it would never happen – it had. I, Freddie Benson, had grown facial hair. For the last week my mother had considered the darkening on my face a sort of skin malady and had me rubbing medicinal creams. But despite all of my mother's denial and everybody's shared disbelief, it was true. I buttoned up my shirt, and appeared in the door way of my bathroom, my mother on the other side, her face clearly troubled. "Freddie…" she started, "has that medicine been working?" She brought a hand up to my face, felt the stubble, than broke into tears.

"Mom, what's wrong?"

"My little boy…!" I literally had to pick her up off the floor, and drag her to the couch in the sitting room. Her carefully applied make up dripped down her face, landing in a puddle of browns that stained her cotton polyblend skirt. She placed her hands very calmly in her lap.

"Mom, look, this isn't the end of the world. "

"Neither was the Cuban missile crisis, but we don't look back at that day and declare it a holiday do we?"

"Mom, it's okay! I'll shave it today!" I said, excited for the chance to actually use a razor!

"And let you bring sharp blades up to your face? I don't think so young man!" I sighed, not able to think of a solution my mother wouldn't shoot down. "No, we can't have that…" she said, speaking mostly to herself now. "Doctor Baxter told me about a skin treatment that can potentially rid you of hair growth all-together!"

"What?"

"Of course, the side-effects could be extensive..."

"Extensive?"

"We have to keep your hands restrained...and it's possible you may have to wear a muzzle for the next few months..."

"A muzzle? Do they even have muzzles for humans?" I asked truly curious.

"Oh yes, of course. You see, there's a thick leather strap that comes around the base of the head and..." my mother explained, but I quickly shook off my momentary distraction.

"No. uh uh, that's not happening. I want to grow hair. and I'm not going to go through some painful medical procedure to have my hair removed. I'm a man now. And Since I'm a man, its time I stand up for myself and say no to you. This is WRONG. You're just going to have to deal with the fact that you don't have claim anymore to my bodily functions...!" And then came the tears. Lots of tears. And it was even more than the waterworks. When my mother cried she had the talent of letting all of Bushwell know it.

Now, before I go on, I would just let you know that I am a man, and I was standing up for myself, but sometimes men do have to make certain concessions to make the women in their lives happy... So it was not at all a sign of weakness when I agreed to have an emergency "check-up" with Doctor Baxter. Although even the concept of an "emergency" check-up is an oxymoron in and of itself.

When we arrive d at the office, the nurses took me and my mother in immediately. The Bensons were very special patients here...

When Doctor Baxter saw me and my mother explained her deep worry, he simply nodded, frowned, raised his left eyebrow, than dropped it, then started the process all over again. He inspected me, rubbing his gloved hands all over my face...uncomfortable.

"Mhhhmmm, I see here that you do have some hair growth which is perfectly normal for a boy of your age.

"Normal?" My mom asked, looking as though at any moment she could possibly dive off of the deep end. Honestly I was for worried for her than for myself at the moment. "Normal for a boy of his age?" she asked again. "But he's only eleven!"  
"Mom I'm seventeen!"

"SHHHHH!!!"

"Mrs. Benson I can recommend a family counselor..."

"A family counselor? Do you mean you want to refer us to a therapist?" I shook my head at Doctor Baxter. The absolute worst thing to say...Immediately I jumped down from off of the patient's table and shielded Doctor Baxter from my mother who was coming at him with everything she had. "Freddie get out of the way."

"No. I think we could all use a bit of calming down!"

"Calming down?" Uh oh. "NEVER TELL A WOMAN TO CALM DOWN." I made a personal mental note to remember that. "How am I supposed to calm down when my little boy refuses to do what I tell him to!"

"What did I refuse to do that you told me to?"

"You GREW UP!!!" she collapsed into a chair in the small room. She began weeping hysterically.

"Oh no... Stop it, please stop it!" begged Doctor Baxter. "I don't deal well with crying...make it stop!" he asked me desperately.

"Mom it's okay. It's just a little hair.

"A little hair? You're so hairy I could sheer you and sell you to Peruvian sweater makers." I looked down at my arms and rubbed my hand against my face. She was right. the hair seemed to be growing by the minute. My mother looked up and yelled violently at Doctor Baxter. "You told me the medicinal lotion would work!"

"I told you it might work!" Doctor Baxter had retreated to the corner singing silently to himself, only interrupting to yell back at my mom.

"Lotion? The lotion you gave me?" I asked suddenly realizing the obvious. "Wait, the lotion you gave me was supposed to stop me from growing hair?" I asked indignantly. This was unbelievable. Of course she would do something like this...

"Doctor Baxter said as long as it was applied daily I would never have to worry about seeing your five o'clock shadow."

"Daily?" Doctor Baxter suddenly stopped singing and stood. He looked horrified. "I told you it was to be applied monthly. My gosh is it any wonder we're sitting in here with a wolf-boy!!!" He brought his gloved hands up to my face again. "As long as he continues to shave it won't be a problem ."

"SHAVE? with a razor?"

"Cool!"

"ABSOLUTELY NOT. And what about that procedure we talked about privately..."

"It could be very painful..." he replied

"What? No. I don't want to have any procedure!"

"Come with me Freddie... it should only take an hour or two..." My eyes went wide.

"No, no, no, I don't want to go anywhere! I don't want to have anything done to me!" I screamed and I yelled, and two orderlies had to restrain me and take me to an outpatient operating room. I cried - a lot. And when Doctor Baxter came in to prep me. I begged him again and again to stop. To not listen to my mother. He said nothing, coming up slowly to my bed. When he reached my side, he bent over.

"Run, Freddie. Run."

**I fall asleep in hospital parking lots...**

"I have an emergency." Fredward had an emergency? Freddie's whole life was an emergency. His mother's constant waiting hand and foot had made him soft. Once when I'd gone through his hamper he had a conniption because I mixed up his darks ad lights. Apparently Fredward believed in segregation – he didn't like garments from the wrong side of the bedroom intermingling with his delicates… ha, Freddie's delicates… "What are you laughing about? This is serious!"

"Sure it is."

"Sam!" he shouted.

"Fine, what's wrong?" I asked stifling my laughter.

"Well…"

"What?!"

"Listen closely okay? I'm in room 1305 at St. Agony's medical plaza. I'm locked in the room and I can't let anyone in. So when you get here make sure to knock three times in a row, count to three than knock two more times." I raised an eyebrow, took a bite out of my Klondike bar, repressed a brain freeze and continued watching girly Cow. "Sam, Sam? Are you still there? Hello! Sam?"

"What? You want me to go there now?"

"When someone says, 'It's an emergency' that usually means that someone has immediate needs. My gosh I could be in serious danger and you wouldn't even care!"

"Are you in serious danger?"

"Well..."

"Than I don't care."

"Sam!" I sighed. Since when was I the one he called in times of trouble? "Why are you locked in a Hospital?" I asked. There was a long pause before he came back on the line. I'd almost drifted off to sleep.

"Oh my gosh they've found me..." he whispered into the receiver. "Oh my gosh she found me. They're coming for me..." The line went dead. I stared at my phone, suddenly curious enough to forgo girly cow. Girly cow was entertaining, but watching Freddie fear for his life was priceless.

I walked into St. Agony's with my fourth Klondike bar in my pocket. I wandered the halls looking for the room number 1305. But fortunately, that was unnecessary since I saw Senora Benson, three orderlies, a nurse, and a doctor crowding around a door. One of the orderlies was in the process of holding Mrs. Benson back by the waist. as she clawed at the doorframe and yelled for Freddie. "Fredward Benson, open up this door right now!" The nurse was using a gentle voice trying to put her at ease. I didn't realize I was laughing until all six of them stopped, turned around and stared me down.

"Samantha?"

"Benson senior..."

"What are you doing here?" she asked breaking the orderly's grasp and walking up to me.

"Oh... had to have a hangnail removed," I replied pointing to my left shoe. "Glad that nasty thing's taken care of." Her makeup was running.

"This is your fault ya know! All of your feistiness!!! You turned my loving little boy into a delinquent!"

"You're welcome. Now if you don't excuse me I have to get my toe all bandaged up before I get toe blood everywhere. No one likes blood - especially toe blood." She was livid as I turned and ran farther down the hall. I took a left and took the emergency exit that led outside. Once I reached outside, I ran alongside the building, counting windows until I found the one I was looking for. I found it, and knocked three times, counted to three than knocked another two times. Immediately Freddie came to the window. I immediately gestured for him to keep quiet. He nodded but motioned he couldn't open the window.

"nub..." I whispered under my breath. Apparently he could read my lips and began yelling through the window. I slapped a hand to my forehead.

"You idiot, now they know someone's out here!" I pulled a bobby pin from my hair, which I used to trip the lock on the window. Just as I popped it open, security stepped out of that same emergency exit and saw us. I pulled Freddie out and we ran. we ran as fast as we possibly could. Well- I ran as fast as I could while I dragged Freddie behind me.

"You just had to yell!" I complained. Freddie didn't argue. We finally made it to a busy road. I pulled Freddie along as we crossed the street against oncoming traffic.

"That was Jaywalking!"

"That was called a good escape!" Jeez, this guy couldn't take two seconds to be grateful...

When we reached the other side I took him by the hand and pulled him into the lobby of the movie theater. The place was full. We finally stopped to catch our breath.

"So do you want to explain to me why I had to pull that little search and rescue?" Freddie who was bent over, wheezing, looked up at me - and that's when I saw it. His face was ... different.

"This is why," He said pointing to his chin.

"Oh my gosh." I couldn't say anything else. Flipping Freddie Benson had facial hair.

"A few days ago I had some ... stubble. It turns out that my mom had freaked about me being - hairy, and gave me this lotion to use that would stop me from growing hair, but it ended up having the reverse effects and now I look like ..."

"A wildebeest?" I suggested. Freddie nodded. I mean, he didn't look so bad. He had some hair - but it wasn't so bad. it was just different...Suddenly I had this terrible feeling in my stomach. It wasn't the first time I'd felt this. It had happened before. Actually, in the last few months it had been happening oftener and oftener.

"So... Anyway, today she took me to the doctor to have him give me a treatment that will make sure I never grow hair again. It's very painful and very permanent. And I don't want to wear a muzzle..."

"What?"

"Nothing it's a long story." I nodded, than before I could help myself, I was laughing again. "Anyway, why are we here?" he asked looking around.

"Today's the opening of that lame vampire movie "Old Sun."

"Oh right, I heard about that... But why?"

"Well, I figure your mother will come looking for you, and we needed place with a crowd of people we can get lost in if she were to show up. And it's only a matter of time before she does show up... After all she did have you chipped..."

"She had me what?" Oh right, Freddie's mom had never told him the sad truth.

"Oh Freddie. There are so many things you don't know." Freddie shrugged but let it go. We walked up to the concession stand where I made Freddie buy me three more Klondike bars and some nachos as payment for my awesome ninja work. When we entered our theater to see Old Sun it was full. There were very few seats open, and no two seats together. We shrugged and found open seats separated by some guy in his thirties fronting an Old Sun t shirt. It was better than nothing.

The movie started.

Within two minutes of it I'd gone through my nachos and was working on the rest of my Klondike bars, including the nearly melted one stashed away in my pants pocket. The guy between me in Freddie was already on the verge of tears. Dude....

"Freddie got any twizzlers over there?" more than a few people shushed me. I raised an eyebrow at them - but I wasn't about to get into anymore trouble today. Yeah, even Sam Puckett has limits.

"Yeah." He handed them to the guy next to him to pass to me. He reluctantly handed them to me, not taking his eyes off of the screen once. But once all the food was gone I was bored again. I stared up at the screen wondering how hard I had to punch myself in the face to force them to stop the movie and call an ambulance. Freddie seemed to be tolerating it okay, sighing every once in a while.

"_Stella, this is the last time you will ever see me."_

_"But Nedward!"_

_"Shhhh." he placed a single finger on her lips quieting her. "Don't speak." _

I laughed again, though no else laughed with me. Third time today! But I thought to myself, If I had to endure another hour and a half of this, I should at least try to have fun.

"Hey Freddie!"

"What?" he whispered back.

"So what's the deal with this Nedward guy? He's a wizard right?" Freddie went blank for a moment before finally catching on.

"Yeah. Nedward's parents died when he was a baby at the hands of an evil Wizard. As you can tell, that may be why he has commitment issues..." I nodded. the guy sitting between Freddie and I looked royally ticked.

"Where's his wand?"

"I'm pretty sure he keeps it in his invisibility cloak..."

"Oh my gosh you guys are such noobs! You're thinking of Harry FOTTER!" The guy between us had had it, and his voice could be heard through the theater. Everyone turned.

"Who's Harry Fotter?" I asked, stealing a piece of popcorn from his lap.

"Yeah I thought we came to see Old sun," corrected Freddie.

"Nedward is not a wizard! He's a 104 year old VAMPIRE!!!!" He was shaking and Freddie and I were stifling laughter. But the joke didn't last long. Out of the corner of my eye I could see a shadowy figure scouring the theater. She had a flashlight on her and was going up and down the aisles.

"Freddie!!! Psycho at 8 o' clock!" Freddie turned and immediately recognized her. She seemed to be upsetting more Old Sun fans than Freddie and I had.

"Have you seen my little boy? He's about 5'10, extremely hairy, and is rendezvousing with a petite blonde but vicious felon?"

"Get out of my face lady!"

"YEAH we're trying to watch OLD SUN!!!"

"Well excuse me for trying to recover my poor lost soul of a son!!!" Freddie looked panicked, and once again I would have to be the one to do all of the thinking.

"Sam we can't walk out, she'll see us!" I rolled my eyes though I doubt he could see it through the darkness. I fell down on all fours. yep - we were going to crawl out. More than once my hands came in contact with used gum and melted ice cream. Freddie was right behind me . He kept grabbing my ankle - a few too many times to be accidental.

"Sam, could you crawl a little faster! You're butt's in my face!"

"Shut it Fredifer or I'll make sure _your_ butt is in _your_ face - permanently!" When we reached the end of our aisle, we crawled our way out through the emergency exit. When we reached outside we made a run for it. She would have seen the light from the outside and known we'd left. We kept running for four blocks until we came to a park.

I turned behind me. Freddie had both hands on his knees.

"We can't keep this up forever ya know! Eventually you will have to go home or talk to your mom."

"I know..." He looked worried and I couldn't help but feel sorry for the guy. His mom had made him miserable for so long... "It's just... I know I'll have to face my mom again. And I know she'll make me get rid of this," he said gesturing to his hair. He ran his hand over it. I felt that terrible pain in my stomach again. Flipping Fredward "But even if just for a day, I want to have this. I want to be seen - differently."

"What are you saying?"

"I'm saying, I just want people to know that I, Freddie Benson, am a man!" I couldn't stand it any longer. I laughed hysterically, tears running down the side of my cheeks. Freddie - a man? I looked up at him, he seemed thoroughly irritated, and yes I did feel a bit bad about that. I stopped for a moment. Angry with myself. Freddie was the only person besides Carly who could make me feel apologetic. I sighed, and rested my hand on his face. He was surprised by me, and stepped back.

"Well Freddie Benson, If you want to be seen, if you want people to know, Than I think I can help with that."

"Really?" he asked.

"Yeah, but we better keep moving, your mom can't be far behind..." and for the second time that day, I took him by the hand and we ran.

**I will disguise myself... **

"This is what you had in mind?"

"A lot of people - a lot of fun." I was hesitant at first, but she was right, it was perfect. I had heard about the event on the news, but I didn't pay much attention to it. The Seattle Parade. The floats had just begun to move down the street, and there were police stationed at every few yards. Sam looked only too eager to provoke them. She took me by the hand again - and for some reason, I didn't bother pulling back. Her hands were warm and sweaty and wonderful and ... But I stopped myself before this train of though could go on for too long. She pushed her way through the crowd, stopping when we got to the parade barricades.

She hopped over the barricade while I stood at the other side.

"Well are you coming?" she asked holding out her hand.

"No way!" Already I could see security from the parade running over to stop Sam.

"Freddie, be a man today." I bit down on my bottom lip trying to stop myself from doing something stupid. but there was something about the way Sam's hair was blowing behind her and her teeth were nestled at the bottom of her tongue waiting to verbally assault me - I knew she was right. I put my hand in her still outstretched one, used my other to lift myself over the barricade, and ran with her again. I was never much of an athlete, but this running - I could definitely get used to it.

There were yells coming at us from all directions, people chasing us, but I could hardly hear it. We hopped onto a moving float with a banner reading: Gourmet Meats of Iceland Co." And I knew immediately the reason she had picked this float. All around us on the float were Icelanders dressed in traditional folk attire. I felt terribly uncomfortable yet somehow exhilerated. but this was not the end of Sam's plan. She walked with confidence to the front of the float where there stood a microphone. Sam had moved so quickly no one had had the god sense to turn off the mic. She spoke into it, and the music quickly quieted.

"Hello Seattleites! Today I would like to introduce you to a very special friend of mine who happens to be going through a bit of an awkward stage. She walked back to me and pulled by the collar to the front of the float. All eyes were on us. "As I'm sure even the visually impaired can see, our friend here has a hair problem. You see, for the first time in his short seventeen years of life, he has grown hair. Facial hair. Man-hair. Honestly this is probably the most fortunate thing that could ever happen to him - you see this hair happens to cover his horribly disfigured face." Sam rubbed her hand up and down the sides of my face. "Problem is, his mother wants to have it removed. But we can't let that happen! Can we?" she asked the crowd.

The crowd surprisingly answered back.

"NO!"

"At least not without showing the world!"

'NO!"

"So Say HELLO SEATTLE to FREDDDDDDIIIIEEEEE BBBBBEEEEEENNNNSSSOOOON! And the large breed of rodent he has growing on his face..."

I stepped out to see the crowd cheering. Even the people whose float we'd just hijacked seemed to be clapping. I honestly didn't know what to say or how to feel. I did know one thing though - Today, I was going to have fun.

The music started up again and Sam was dancing, and confetti was everywhere. The crowd was excited too! I sampled some of the meats they had aboard the float while the security tried to convince the float operator to stop so they could seize two delinquents on board. George the operator though, was very empathetic to my situation. Turns out every guy I met seemed to have a story about the first day they got to shave. Sam who I thought was having too much fun to be bothered even made me dance with her. The colors, the lights, the sounds, the sun, the people, the buildings and cityscape convinced me to go along with her - so I did. We danced and we sang along to a few of the songs and ate foreign pork and threw samples out to people watching the parade. I knew sometime between outrunning several different security guards and blowing parade confetti out of my hair, that I would never forget this day.

Eventually though, it did have to come to an end.

the parade finally stopped within a few blocks from Bushwell. We'd managed to evade my mom for this long - but I knew I would have to see her again some time. But, there was just one thing I had to do before I could head back to my apartment.

We thanked the people on the float, who thought Sam and I gave them enough publicity that we deserved several pounds of meat to take home. Yeah - Sam couldn't have been happier. We stepped off, and walked another block down to the drug store on the corner. Sam didn't understand.

"I know you've done me like a million favors today but..."

"But what?"

"I just need one more." She nodded and we walked inside together. And even though we weren't running from anyone anymore, we still held each other's hands. I picked up a razor, just one, and a can of shaving cream, paying the cashier twenty bucks for everything.

"wow, you're actually going to do it..." said Sam - a little stunned.

"Yeah. I guess if it has to go, I want to be the one to get rid of it." Sam nodded. We couldn't do it at my house and Sam's house was probably already being guarded by my mother somehow. So we made our way over to the one place we could always count on - the Groovy Smoothie. It was already closed and dark by the time we got there. T-bo was cleaning his counter when we walked in. He didn't recognize me until Sam kicked me in the shin for accidentally stepping on the back of her shoe.

"Is it okay if we use the bathroom? It's sort of important."

"A man's gotta do what a man's gotta do." I liked that . I was a man. Sam and I walked into the Women's Bathroom with Sam since she refused to go into the Men's because she hated urinals... she muttered something about chili and plunger. Anyway, I hovered over the sink for a second before Sam smacked me back into reality - literally.

"Are you just going to think about it or are you gonna do it?" She was right. I had to get it over with. I looked in the mirror, looked at myself, as if to say goodbye, than bent over the sink and wet my face. Sam watched with uncharacteristic patience as I threw the shaving cream all over my face. I took the razor out of its case and froze. It looked - sharp.

"Sam I can't do this. My mom was right, I shouldn't bring sharp blades up to my face!"

"Freddie it's now or never. Do you even realize what you've done today? You snuck out of a hospital, run from the law, and arm wrestled a guy twice your size over a prime rib!"

"Sam that was you."

"Oh right..."

"Look, I think you should start. Just do the first stroke and I'll be fine after that!" Sam stood with one hand on her hip, giving me the look I knew I should fear. "Please?"

"Fine!" She stole the razor from my hand and approached my face with it. She was a centimeter away when -

"STOP!" She pulled away.

"What? I didn't even touch you!"

"I know, but I was just thinking..." Sam rolled her eyes. "You wouldn't purposely cut me, would you?"

"As of right now I'm sorry to tell you I've been asking myself that same question since I got the razor in my hand."

"What? And have you given yourself an answer?"

"Nope. We'll find out whether I can fight off the urge to pierce you with these extremely lethal blades in a few moments though, won't we?" I tried to turn away, but her hand came around the back of my head and kept me in place. I saw the razor coming at me and panicked. I felt it against my face as it scraped its way along my cheekbone. I hadn't realized I'd closed my eyes until I had to open them. I looked in the mirror to see my face bloodless. It was only one stroke, but already it felt somewhat liberating.

"See? not so bad now is it?"

"No, I guess not..." So I took the razor and did the rest of my face. For the most part I did an okay job. I did knick myself a few times though at my chin - which Sam took great pleasure in pointing out. We didn't say much while I shaved. It went by pretty quickly. Sam just stared at me the entire time. I wasn't so sure why though.

And when I was done, I washed my face again and dried it with my shirt tail.

"So I guess I should say thank you," I told her, more than a little awkwardly. I mean it, but that didn't make it any easier to say.

"Then I guess I should say you're welcome." A long pause followed. I tried not to look at Sam, but she was making it difficult since she seemed intent on staring me down. "You know - I kinda missed it." Again she ran her hand over my face. But this time there wasn't any hair there to cushion the touch. I could feel her fingertips as they traced line.

"What did you miss?" I asked trying to help this conversation find its way back to normality.

"Your face I guess..." she looked as stunned by what she said as I did.

"Sam, sometimes when I look at you, I feel really terrible..." That came out in the completely wrong way. Sam pressed her thumb down on one of the cuts on my chin. I yelped in pain.

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"No I mean, I feel something for you. And I know I probably shouldn't, I know at any moment right now you could come at me with my razor and pull an Edward scissorhands on me - but after today, after all that talk about being a man, I just wanted to do the brave thing and tell you how I feel. About you. I feel terrible, and great? "

"What?"

"I like you a lot. And I feel terrible and great every time I see you because I know you'll never feel the same way. But if by some weird insane chance that you might actually feel the same way about me, I thought I should at least give it a try. That guy who arm wrestled you did, and so will I."

"You like me?"

**Take me above your light. Carry me through the night.**

I had to be sure. I could take a chance on just about anything else. but Freddie - I couldn't.

"Yeah. I love you?"

"You love me?" What was wrong with me? This was all I could say? I felt like such a nub. If he could say it than why couldn't I? It wasn't like I hadn't come close to saying it before... After Freddie saved Carly's life and they had kissed. When I talked to Freddie alone about Foreign bacon - I'd come so close. When Carly asked me and Freddie if we liked the kiss...And a dozen other times.

"Yeah Sam I love you okay..." Freddie looked genuinely mad. He rinsed off the razor under the sink and put it in the shopping bag with the rest of his forbidden items. All I could do was stand there and watch. "Just forget I ever said anything. And please, just don't make a big deal about it...okay?"

But I couldn't answer, I was listening to what was happening on the other side of the bathroom door.

"No T-Bo I do NOT want to buy bagels. Now have you seen Sam and Freddie or not?"

"And by 'seen', you mean?" She grunted. I could hear her footsteps coming closer. Immediately I rushed to the bathroom door and turned the lock. Freddie was confused, but what's new right?

"Why'd you do that for?"

"Do you have to blow our cover every chance you get?"

"Freddie, I can hear you!" Mrs. Benson was pounding on the door.

"Coming mom!" answered Freddie just about to open the door. I stepped in front of him

"What are you doing?"

"I'm done. I've had my day of fun. I even shaved. It's over. I can go home now..."

"No, because this isn't over." I shoved him farther into the women's rest room until I had him pinned to the paper towel dispenser.

"What do you want Sam?"

"What I want is for you to stop being stupid though I understand that has been difficult for you in the past." He was about to fire back but shoved him again into the dispenser which silenced him. "Now listen, You didn't give me a chance to say what I wanted to say..."

"Seems to me like you said everything you needed to-"

"Don't interrupt!" I gave him another shove, the dispenser dispensed another paper towel. "I didn't know how to say it before, but since your mom is going to knock down that door any moment I should probably get this out before I lose my chance. Freddie... I love you too. And I'm not just saying it to say it. I mean it. and if you don't mean it, then take back what you said before."

"I mean it!"

"Well, good."

"Alright then."

"Fine."

"Great." I let go of Freddie and stepped back, wondering what happened now.

"Freddie, are you there? Freddie? It's your mother! Are you okay? Step away from the door! I'm coming in!"

ME and Freddie looked at each other knowing that this was our last chance. We had finally said it. Now I guess it was time to show it.

"Lean!" He did, and just as the door hit the floor and Mrs. Benson came running in with a Fire Marshall's axe in her hand, Freddie kissed me. He placed both hands in mine, and we just did it. Except this time we didn't just do it to do it. I'm not quite sure How long we stayed like that - kissing. All I know is that when we separated T-Bo was standing in the doorway of the Women's Bathroom teary-eyed, and Mrs. Benson looked thoroughly terrified. Perfect.

**Hold me secure in flight, sing me to sleep tonight... Hello seattle**

It had been two weeks since that fateful day Freddie Benson became a man. The day he gained a girlfriend, lost his facial hair, and acquired several dozen fans from the parade. I knocked on his apartment door, hoping he would be the one to answer it. Carly was out of town this weekend again. Unfortunately Mrs. Benson was the one to answer the door.

"Puckett."

"Benson." After having me pass through a metal detector, she let me in to see Freddie. I found him in his bathroom, shaving. It turned out that all the panic of losing Freddie that day had convinced Mrs. Benson that Freddie did need a bit of space, and since removing all facial hair would be a tad bit invasive, she gave him the option of shaving. he was just finishing up as I got in.

"Hola chica!" he said, pulling me in and giving me a kiss on my forehead. He did get some shaving cream in my hair for which I slugged him in the arm. But wow was the Spanish thing growing on me...

He threw on a shirt and grabbed his keys as we walked to the door.

"Have him home no later than 6:30!" she demanded. I nodded. "And no playing with stray dogs!" she shouted as we walked down the hall to the elevator. He had his hand in mine, as we talked about school and iCarly and everything.

"What did you wanna do today?" I thought about his question for a few seconds before smiling to myself.

"Got a bank heist planned at noon. Come with?"

"Sure I'm free..."

**A/N:** Just so you know I did not mean to mock Twilight/Twilighters. I do think however, that if Sam was placed in a situation like this one, that would be how she would react. Believe me, I like Twilight just as much as the next teenage fangirl :)


End file.
